Concerning Generosity and Happiness

Hypothesis: One must be happy before one can be generous.

I don't mean happy as in "Gee, there's a bluebird on my shoulder and what a beautiful day!" Contented is a better word. When one is content with oneself, one doesn't feel on some secret level that one's gift ought to be reciprocated. When one is secure in the knowledge that one is respected, loved, and complete, although imperfect, one doesn't worry about whether or not one's gift will be liked, or thought well of, or criticized.

When I think of the generous people in my life they are all contented people. I admire generosity, it is something I aspire to. I say aspire, because I often miss the mark. When preparing a meal for a friend or neighbor, I frequently have to remind myself not to worry about judgment on the meal and how that judgment will reflect on me. This is pertinent not just to gifts I give others. It is pertinent to the daily gifts I offer to myself and my family: meals, cleaning, laundry. These are daily chores, but they are daily gifts. Too often I find myself feeling sorry for myself, or feeling unappreciated. Why, I wonder, can't I feel pleased with the gifts I have given? A gift need not be appreciated in order for it to be generous.

Take another example: compliments and praise. One who gives generously can also receive generously. Instead of feeling self-conscious about praise, a generous person is graciously accepting. He is confident in the knowledge that he could (and does) sincerely give similar praise in return.

But a truly generous gift cannot be given from a needy heart.

And there's the crux. Almost all of the generous people I've known are men, or women who are old enough to have reached a place of contentment. How can women find contentment now? How can we reach that place of balance where we can give as well as take without criticizing ourselves and others? Self-consciousness, criticism of every aspect of ourselves, envy, guilt, fear and worry. These are all things that plague us as women. Without the weight of these things on our shoulders, what could we accomplish? I think I can answer that with certainty. We would be unstoppable.