A Smattering

Sometimes I like to watch people on the road. It's funny, but most of the time all you're focusing on is a windshield, or a bumper, or headlights. But those are all people, young, old, with their own appointments, errands, families, going to all sorts of places. If you're ever waiting to turn at an intersection, take a look at the people driving by. Usually, I'm in a hurry when I'm driving, which means I'm usually pretty bent out of shape. Seeing someone rocking out to music I can't hear is enough to make me smile and forget why I'm so stressed out. Once I was driving behind a man who I figured out was listening to the same thing I was: Car Talk on NPR. We kept laughing at the same time. Being in our own little bubbles so much like we are in our cars is a very unhealthy thing, I think. Sometimes I want to start waving at everyone I pass... did you ever do that as a kid on a road trip? It seemed silly, but it was a social connection that was made every time someone waved back, as brief as a hello, but valuable nonetheless.

Isaac participated in a karate tournament this weekend. He won 1st place in his division for his form. He was awesome! I am so proud of him. He also competed in the sparring and weapons events. As a mother it was tough for me to stay out of the ring during the sparring. The kids were instructed to control themselves so they wouldn't hurt their partners, and of course they were wearing protective pads. Still, some of those kids were a good deal less in control than I would have liked. Isaac took a swing to his eye in his first match that shook him up. Mama Bear was definitely bristling at that point. But he held his ground and did so well for his first time sparring in tournament. We stayed to watch my sister sweep her division. Good job, Sarah! Sarah's division was combined with a number of other small divisions, so we got to watch several other adult brown belts compete. There was one young man who was really talented. He was exciting to watch, but I was even more impressed with the way he cheered for everyone else. He was supportive of everyone else in the group. That kind of generosity is uncommon. I know... I'm a flutist and I grew up breathing competition. One of the things I most regret about my teenage years is not showing that kind of generosity to those around me. It's easier now to see others' strengths and not feel threatened. Even so, I still struggle sometimes those are my darkest days.

My family and I are going to have dinner with my dad tonight. I haven't really spent any time with him since everything blew up. I'm trying to figure out how I feel about being around him again. I think my greatest worry is that by allowing him to be a part of my life again, I will be admitting that what he's done is somehow OK. I'm not sure how to navigate this relationship. But, if life is a sea of uncertainty, I'm wading in today.

Love,
The Professor's Wife