Cameo, Oh Cameo

I had a dog around the house when I was younger. She was a Miniature American Eskimo. She had a bark that was about as pleasant on the ears as fingernails on a chalkboard. If she were a person we would say she liked the sound of her own voice. But she was a dog, so we thought much less kindly thoughts in her direction when she spoke. She chewed up our dirty laundry, and had a coat of thick long white hair that shed profusely. You might think I don't have any fond memories of Katie, but you would be wrong, Gentle Reader. Why else, my dear, do you think I was so excited to get a dog of my own? And I was excited. Cameo, was, in fact the Mother's Day gift of my own choosing.



Cameo is an entirely different hairball. She only barks at dangerous looking men who breach our property (like the mailman, the uniform is just a trick!) and when she does speak it is a low, sonorous bay. She has a short silvery coat, and she sheds it sparingly. She never gets into the garbage, and with one exception has never chewed anything non-edible in our house. She is dignified, proud, regal, elegant... everything that I aspire to be. Yes, Cameo is a perfect dog.

Or she would be if she didn't harbor an intense, nay even psychotic desire to be grafted into the very essence of my soul. This is the view I see all day, every day.



Go ahead, click on that photo. It's even better close up. I'll wait.

Since she cannot be surgically attached to me, she insists on staying as close as physically possible. This makes moving in tight spaces very precarious. It frequently causes problems when I am trying to do sit-ups and push-ups. And if you thought it was bad having your toddler join you when you visited the bathroom, well, it can be worse, and at my house, it is. You could have a toddler, and Cameo around. And it would be maddening if it weren't for that pitiable expression on her otherwise regal muzzle. Someday, I hope she will find peace. Until then, we are searching for a therapist that specializes in canine psychopathology.