Hopper, or my epic struggle against forces of evil

This year has been my first foray into the world of gardening. It was a cool and rainy spring day when I lovingly planted my canna bulbs, petunias and two lonely snow-in-summers. Unfortunately it was a bit too cool... and all but two of my sweet cannas succumbed to frost. Bravely the surviving cannas battled on, through drought, famine and finally pestilence. This is our desperate struggle.

Weeks into summer, I began to notice unsightly holes in the leaves of my cannas. It wasn't long before my petunias and sweet potato vines were afflicted as well.

My irritation grew to a simmering anger. The nasty pest remained unseen, or so I thought. Alas, it wasn't until recently that I made the connection between the long-legged beauty you see above and the carnage wreaked on my struggling little flower beds.

It was a hot day in August. I was watering my flowers. Eli had followed me outside and was sitting on the front step between my planters. If only I could have foreseen the violence, the danger... but I get ahead of myself. As I watered, a monster sprang from the flowers, to land with vicious jaws, still dripping with living (petunia) juices, on my helpless son's face. After much wailing and gnashing of teeth I managed to free my son from the grip of my enemy.

The face-off was short, and, yes, dare I say it... bloody. The beast had returned to my poor petunias. In a fit of maternal, even vegetarian indignation, I searched for a weapon, anything to wield in defense of my family, my pride and my sweet flowering friends. Lying on the lawn was a stuffed animal. I pounced with speed unmatched even by my insect foe.

As I said, the end was short. I was mercifully swift. He was a lovely creature, I'm sure in anyone else's bed of flowers I would have thought him quite beautiful. But as we all know, evil often wears the face of beauty. To that hopper, I bid a happy farewell. And to all his offspring, know this... this means war!