My mother recently sold her home, which is FANTASTIC because it means that she will be able to move closer to me. But, it also means that she has well over 5,000 sq ft. of house to pack up. I recently had to go through the boxes that she had packed of my stuff when I moved out. Oh. My. Goodness.
There were files and files of certificates. One box was almost entirely trophies. If over-achieving is a disorder (and I think there is good reason to believe it is), I was a very sick child, dear reader. And then there were the love letters from high school beaus. Wow. Cathartic? No. Embarrassing? Intensely.
So why am I writing about it? Because it was SO WEIRD to see all of this evidence of "who I was." I didn't even remember having done a lot of it. For example, I found a program of a concert in which I soloed in Abravanel Hall with the Utah Symphony and the Granite Youth Symphony. I don't remember doing that! There were awards for competitions whose names I didn't recognize. Apparently, I was there...
Tom accused me of cluelessness. I think it was maybe that nothing I ever achieved was enough. I was always focused on the next one. Kind of sad, actually. None of it really matters now. I cared so much about it all then...
3 comments:
Interesting, I painfully remember everything that has ever happened to me, including my successes (somehow also painful in many respects - depending...). I do find it interesting because my life has been one of chronicaling every ounce of existence I have had in an ever-present now that spans to about 1870 (possibly earlier). Anywho, I feel for you - in some way I can't imagine. I hope all those fallen loves and life full lived can at some point of paused reflection become a blessing - a blissful awareness of creative actualization upon a life well lived in yonder window of early life ( sort of like my primeval consciousness compared to your voluminous-neanderthalite brain from the exalted Haplo-Group 'K' (or something more intelligent that all that). The monkey-people are jealous and hoot at you
BE:
* Clean * Brave * Thrifty * Hairy *
-Shawn.
Very much reminds me of my youth in many ways--minus the letters from beaus. I was an intellectual overachiever/perfectionist--and in hindsight clearly see it as a slight disorder--though my intentions were good, and I sincerely loved learning. As an adult I've always been embarrassed to look at the old trophies, etc. I guess I'm embarrassed at the somewhat exaggerated importance I placed on those things back then. I guess it was just a bit too much about "me"--which is certainly an extremely common pitfall for lots and lots of teenagers! It is kind of encouraged by society, though--I had teachers that singled my out, and were strongly encouraging, even expecting, me to "do something incredible".
Good for you! I think it's great to look back with perspective. As for the embarrassing, well, I definetly have some of that to remember too!
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