There are days when a woman feels like she can handle anything. Mountains of laundry, sky-high dishes, screaming, snotty-nosed children (who occasionally are the most adorable creatures on the planet) scratching and pecking at each other... All. Day. On a good day, none of these things can touch her. She is diligent, soft-spoken, kind, yet firm.
And then, there are the other days. On the other days she wakes with nary a kind word. On those days her reply to her husband's indignant "Why are you so grumpy," is no other than: "I woke up."
On these days she wonders if she could get away with crawling back into bed, or at the least, spend the entire day in her pajamas. On these days her demons come to call, both real and perceived. On these days she feels as if the day is One. Long. Snarl.
And so it was on this day. On paper, it was a mixed bag. I cleaned out the desk (receipts from January '09? Seriously?), cleaned out the pantry (the soup mix with "Best By 4/06" did NOT make the cut). I did in fact do the breakfast dishes... before dinner even. I did shower, I did get to weed a bit, and I even managed to read to my children. I didn't actually make dinner, nor did I ever get to changing over the laundry, and the house is in an unusual state of disarray. But, I kept my temper more or less in check. I didn't cry, or swear at anything. Today was, despite the demons, an overall success. Or it should be.
Why did it feel so hard? Do you ever those days? What are your demons?
2 comments:
Sounds like the way I felt when I taught elementary school for a couple of years. For me, the challenge was being "high energy" all the time, and also dealing with a few very difficult kids. Some days I was on top of it all, and other days, I felt very exhausted and impatient--I didn't want to be there--just wanted to snarl and chuck the kids out the window.;)
As women, I think we need to have "days off" to regroup and enjoy ourselves. Of course planning that, making that happen can be a big challenge, since the family is there 24/7.
My rough days are usually when Doug isn't feeling well and has to sit around alot because he can't do anything else. I think dealing with it for so many years has allowed an ugly beast to form inside me and it shines forth on those sick days. Luckily he is getting real help with his problems now!
I also have those days when I wake feeling rotten inside though, and I can't say why. I try to pray a little more often on those days because I don't know what else to do to get me through.
Don't be rough on yourself, you are an incredible woman. When someone is so incredible as you, you need a day off from incredibleness to let the 'beast' loose so you can be incredible again.
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